I think I missed my calling in life.
Now okay, there are several things that I would be totally kickass at (other than teaching). For example, someday I’m going to start my own makeup line. And I do make the world’s BEST chocolate chip cookies. Yes, they’re better than your grandma’s. No, you can’t have the recipe. It’s a secret. I’m really good at gluing rhinestones on stuff (you should see my Bluetooth headset!), and I could easily teach college courses on the Simpsons and/or Bruce Springsteen.
But none of those are truly my calling in life.
Are you ready for it?
I should write the tombstones outside the Haunted Mansion at Disney World.
The last time I was there, my friends and I spent a whole day (yes, I’m a grown woman who goes to Disney World with her friends and no children. Deal with it.) running around trying to find a suitable Prince Charming to get a picture with. We wanted a shot of him proposing to us. But we learned a sad, sad lesson that day. The guys playing Prince Charming at Disney World are about 12 years old. That and Sleeping Beauty can kinda be a bitch when you want to pose with her man. And Captain Hook is a dirty old man. I’m serious. I was molested. I feel really bad for Peter Pan and all the lost boys after that experience.
I discovered my calling for writing Haunted Mansion tombstones thanks to my brother. Adam said something about Walt Disney being cryogenically frozen. Being the expert on all things Disney, I felt the need to inform him that this wasn’t true.
He didn’t believe me.
So I called upon the greatest website of all time, Snopes.com to prove my point. But somehow Adam still didn’t believe me, despite the fact that I pulled up a picture of Walt Disney’s grave, his death certificate, his will, and a map of the cemetery where he is buried. All from my phone. I love technology.
“Of course he has a grave,” Adam insisted. “They only froze his head.”
“Really?” I sniped back. “What does his tombstone say? Here lies Walt, good and dead. Everything’s here, except his head?”
This was when I realized that I’d missed my one true calling.
The tombstones they have now are pretty good.
Here are my suggestions:
(See? It even has a message!)
And my personal favorite:
Yes, I had way too much fun with these. But that’s why it would be my dream job. Anyone have any good ones that I missed?